Lose Yourself
by 4evrdisturbed
Summary: Jean Kirstein lives in a broken home and is ignored by all at school, except one: Marco Bodt, Jean's secret childhood crush.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own attack on titan! I do however own this plot so I hope you enjoy it~

I cracked my eyes open to the sound of the alarm clock screaming. I turned it off and set it back on the wooden floor. Today was the first day of senior year. Yippee. I sighed and turned on my full sized bed to lie on my side facing the room. Directly across from my bed, my dresser was against the blank white wall, the floor was littered with my clothes that I needed to wash, and my closet doors were opened showing off my few pairs of jeans and the last of my clean work t-shirts. Situated in the corner of my room, my bed had a wall near the head and side. I throw off the covers and sit up, time to stop procrastinating and get ready for school.

Walking to my closet I pick out a pair of faded jeans and a black shirt with my work's logo displayed on the front. I had to work right after school and since I didn't have to wear an actual uniform I just wore the shirt so I didn't have to come back to the house to change. Grabbing a pair of boxer briefs from my dresser I walk to the bathroom and throw my clothes on the counter. After relieving myself, I wash my hands and press play on the radio set next to my clothes. I stare at myself in the mirror as Eminem plays through the speakers. My dirty blonde hair mussed from sleep, sticks up at random and my face is pale, making the bruise on my cheek stand out more. Dear old dad had a bad day at work yesterday and took it out on me and my mother. I sleep in my boxers so my chest is bare, showing off the bruises near my ribs where he kicked me. I was skinny, lanky with wiry muscles and little hair on my chest and around my navel disappearing into my boxers. I poke one of the bruises and hiss. It's still sore which means work is going to be hell. I work as a bus boy at a local restaurant carrying loads of plates and cups, helping the dishwasher when it's slow. Bending and stretching is going to hurt. I'm so glad seniors don't have to take P.E. that would've sucked.

I turn the shower all the way to hot and step into the scalding water. After washing, I stand under the spray and wait just a little longer than usual to get out. I was not looking forward to going to school. Although escaping my dad for the day would be a good thing. He wasn't always like this. The abuse started after I came out of the closet, which just so happened to be around the same time one of my mom's friends introduced her to methamphetamine. She used up all our money to buy the drug and dad had to take more shifts at his job to make up for it. Me being gay was just another excuse for him to take out his frustrations on me. I got my job around the same time to escape and to pay for my phone and gas for my car since my parents could no longer afford it. I towel off and get dressed, noticing that my jeans are getting baggier, the elastic of my boxer briefs showing. I turn off the radio and head back to my room. Throwing my dirty clothes on the floor, I grab a pair of socks from my dresser and sit on my bed to put them on and slip into my shoes. I grab a zip-up hoodie and my backpack and head out to the kitchen for a bowl of cereal. In the living room, my mom, passed out on the couch her pipe cradled to her chest like a teddy bear. I kiss her cheek and whisper, "I love you." before heading out the door to my car.

I pull up in my beat up Honda to my usual parking spot at the side of Sina high school. I did not like using the parking lot; It's too crowded, full of jocks and idiots. And Marco. Marco Bodt was the captain of the basketball team; he was tall, dark, and freckled. Marco might as well have been Jesus; everyone loved him and worshipped the fucking ground he walked on. He led the basketball team to nationals the last three years. I've been in love with him since he moved here in junior high. He came in like a storm and completely took over my thoughts. Marco was the only one who didn't make fun of me for being poor. And when high school started and everyone else just ignored me, Marco made sure to smile at me whenever the chance arose. He's perfect and I will not be convinced otherwise. Nevertheless, I wouldn't dare approach him. That would just embarrass him in front of his friends. I don't even know if he's gay and asking him would earn me an ass whooping. Sure, the people here mostly ignored me, but they still thought of me as a pariah. I'm anti social, angry, and lose my temper easily. Not to mention I'm the only person who is openly gay here. Sina is a small town with close-mined people, being gay just makes me an easy target.

I lock the door on my car and head onto campus with my backpack slung over one shoulder. I walk to my locker and grab my schedule out that I put in there when we got them, and walked to my first class, French IV with Mr. Heichou. I walk to the classroom and drop into a seat in the back. I was still fifteen minutes early, so I took out my headphones and put them on, connecting them to my phone and waited for the bell to ring. About ten minutes later kids started to file into the class. To my surprise, and joy, Marco walked in. He sat in the front with the few of his friends that were in this class. There were less than twenty kids in this class, hardly anyone took this elective, which is exactly why I chose it. After suffering through the first three years, I knew I could pass easily. When the bell rang, I put my phone away and watched as the teacher got up with a clipboard. He stood with his hands behind his stiff back, hair trimmed to perfection and his grey eyes calculating and hard. Everyone was quiet, not wanting to get on this teacher's bad side.

He nodded and brought the clipboard to his front. "We'll start today with the seating chart-" he was cut off by a chorus of groans, I had him for French I so I was already expecting this. Mr. Heichou glared hard at the class and everyone immediately shut up. "Everyone stand up and go to the back of the room and when you hear your name called come to your seat." We all got up and I stood away from everyone else against the wall, waiting to hear my name. I recognized some of the students, the 'inseparable trio' Eren, Armin, and Mikasa. Marco, of course, and a couple of his basketball buddies, Reiner and Bertholdt. When the teacher called my name I went to my seat in the third row, in the back next to a girl, I think her name was Sasha. I plopped down and waited for Mr. Heichou to finish. I tuned out after I situated myself into my seat so I didn't hear who was sitting next to me so when I saw someone sit down out of the corner of my eye I looked to see. Marco slid into the seat and put his binder down onto his desk. I think he felt my stare because he looked over and beamed at me. God he was beautiful.

"Hey, Jean right?" he asked, that smile still firmly in place. I couldn't tell if it was real or if he was just good at hiding. Either way I saw it falter as his eyes zeroed in on my bruised cheek. He didn't say anything though and for that, I was grateful. I nodded to him and gave a tiny smile back. This year just got a lot more interesting.

Author's Note:

So, what do you guys think? Should I continue this story? I'm working on a second chapter so reviews would be nice ^_^


	2. Chapter 2

As it turns out Marco was in three of my classes, French, math and chemistry. Though French is the only where I sit next to him. The bell rang after chemistry, the last class of the day, and I got out of my seat to leave. I threw my backpack onto my shoulder and made my way to the hallway. As I was walking, someone knocked my shoulder with theirs and the jolt caused my ribs to ache.

"Watch it, faggot." gritting my jaw I turned. Some dumbass jock was walking away and just as he turned the corner, he turned and sneered at me. I glared back and flipped him off. Fucker. Whatever, I had to hurry if I wanted to make it to work on time. I walk out of school to my car, unlock the door and get in. I turn the radio on to the rock station and head to work. I pull into the back parking lot of Zoe's, where the Employees Park and shuck off my jacket. As I walk into the back, I run into Christa, a server here whom I became attached to quickly. She was short, blonde, and sweet. Her girlfriend, Ymir, was a friend of mine here too, she worked as a hostess. They, like me, felt no need to hide their sexuality from these small-minded pricks and that's probably why we became so close.

"Hi Jean!" Christa chirped. She hugged me and instantly jumped back when I winced. "Oh I'm so sorry!" she backed up and scrutinized me. Then she got a hard look in her usually gentle eyes. "He did it again?" yeah Christa knew, she and I were that close. I could tell her anything and know that I wouldn't be judged. She knew about my father's abuse, my mother's addiction, even my crush on Marco.

"Yeah, I guess he had a bad day yesterday so…" I trailed off; she knows what happens next. She nodded then grabbed my hand. She led me to the computer and had me clock in then she grabbed me to where our storage cubbies were.

"Here I have something to cover that bruise up, so none of the customers will say anything." she reached in and grabbed a small makeup bag. I've come to work like this before so I was used to her putting concealer on my bruises to hide them. I lean down so she can dab the makeup onto my bruise. After a couple minutes, she puts it away and smiles at me. "There, all done." she pats my cheek. "Handsome as ever." I snort and walk away to start my shift. I notice we're not that busy but I grab a small tub, waved hello to Connie who was in the kitchen, and started to clear off a table. When I hear the door opening and loud voices, I look over and see a group of boys from my school all wearing their letterman jackets and in the center of the group was Marco, saying something that made the others laugh. Ymir was showing them to a table when Marco caught me staring. Unfortunately so did one his buddies. The only back to the kitchen was past them so I quickly finished busing the table and tried to walk by them without an incident. I could not afford to lose this job so I had to make sure I didn't cause any trouble. I walked with my head down, hoping no one else would notice me and they wouldn't say anything. Apparently that wasn't what I should have been worrying about. The tub I was holding hid the foot that shot out in front of me. I fell causing cups, plates and silverware to fly everywhere. The glass shattering and digging into my palms and arms. All the guys at the table were laughing, except one. Marco got out of his chair and came to my side, quickly followed by Ymir. They helped me gather the shattered glass.

One of the boys snorted. "Marco you're such a fucking bleeding heart, you'd help someone rob a bank if they gave you a pathetic enough look." everyone laughed, again, Marco did not.

Marco shot them a heated glare, something I have never seen on his beautiful face. He stood up and got in front of me. Shielding me from their laughter. "That was a fucked up thing to do Dan. Really fucked up."

That sure as hell shut them up. Dan stood up. "You standing up for the fag Marco?" he sneered. Marco just turned and kneeled back down to help me pick up the glass. Dan glared at me as he and the others got up and left. "Fine, Marco. Help the fairy, you'll soon find out why no one likes him anyway. And then you'll come running back after he tries to rape you." I Stared at him shocked. Marco was more than shocked. He was livid. It's odd, I'm sure he's seen them picking on me before, he had to. So why was he sticking up for me here?

Marco stood up and faced Dan and the others. "Fuck you." he said, his voice dripping venom. I was shocked, I never heard him say something like that. He was usually so nice. The boys glared, "You'll regret this Bodt." Dan said chillingly, and left with the others.

Marco just shook his head and helped me up. Ymir took the tub to the kitchen. Luckily the restaurant was dead only an elderly couple who had looked on with curiosity. Christa came over to help, when she saw my arms.

"Jean! Your arms, you need to go to the hospital and get those stitched up, they look pretty bad." I just nodded, still stunned that Marco stood up for me.

"I-I'll take him." I looked up at that beautiful freckled face. "I'll have to use your car though," he nodded towards the door, "my ride's gone." he smiled.

Christa looked up at him with suspicion. She looked at me next with a questioning look. I nodded. "Yeah that'd be great. Thanks." I muttered. I looked to Christa. "You think you could cover for me?"

"Of course! You're bleeding you need the hospital, Hanji won't get mad about that!" I nodded again. "Thanks."

I led Marco out the back. Connie came rushing up to check on me. I assured him that I was fine and waved off his invitation to take me to the hospital. We got to my car and stood awkwardly. After a minute Marco giggled, actually fucking giggled, "I'm gonna need the keys if you want to get to the hospital, y'know before you bleed out."

"Oh right." I shook my head trying to clear my thoughts. I searched my pockets and grabbed my keys tossing them to him. He got in and unlocked my door, as I sat in the passenger seat I finally realized just how bad I was bleeding. Bothe of arms and hands were covered in the crimson liquid, blood was everywhere. All over my black work shirt, and my jeans. It was getting on my car seat as well. "Ah shit." I grumbled. Marco looked at me worriedly.

"Are you alright?" He asked, concerned.

"Yeah I just need to find something to stop the bleeding, I'm getting it everywhere." I found a wash cloth, what the hell was that even doing in here? And some duct tape that I always had stashed in my car. I wrapped the cloth around the worst part of my arm and sealed the sides with two pieces of tape. I went to look back to find something to bind the other arm with when Marco handed me a red bandana. I looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"What? I like to keep one with me… just in case." he said. I smiled and took it, making another makeshift bandage.

"Well I'm glad that you do." I smiled at him shyly. He smiled and nodded, looking back to the rode. A few minutes later we pulled into the emergency room. I was called back immediately and Marco came with me. I'm glad he did because I'm terrified of needles. As the doctor was stitching my arms up I clenched my jaw and turned away, breathing deeply. Marco smiled gently at me and I focused on trying to count all the freckles on his cheeks. He didn't seem to mind. After about an hour the doctor gave me a mild painkiller and a prescription for more. Bandaged and a little loopy I followed Marco back out to my car. I gave him directions to my house. My parents' car was in the drive way so I couldn't ask if he wanted to come in. Marco got out of the car to help me out. When he opened the door I asked how he was going to get home.

He smiled again. "I'll call my dad to pick me up." I nodded but stopped him from walking me to my door.

"I'll wait out here with you." he looked concerned.

"I think you should lay down, you need to rest."

I shook my head, "No. I don't want to go in yet. I'll feel better once your dad picks you up." he shrugged and pulled out his cell phone to call his dad and gave him directions. After he was done we were sitting together on the curb waiting. I looked over at him. "Thank you, for everything. You didn't have to stand up for me, I'm used to it-" he cut me off with a shake of his head.

"You shouldn't have to be used to it Jean," God I loved the way he said my name. "those guys were out of line. You don't deserve that." he paused. "Speaking of… um didn't you have a bruise on your face today?" I nodded and wiped the makeup off my cheek.

"Christa puts concealer on them when it might interfere with work."

He looked upset, "So this happens often?" he asked. Just then his dad pulled up, and Marco reluctantly looked over at him. "I'll see you tomorrow ok?" I nodded and waved at him as he got in his dad's car and left.

Author's note

Hope you guys like it! Sorry if there's a bunch of mistakes I didn't have time to edit it


	3. Chapter 3

Trigger Warning! Familial abuse. Please do not read if this bothers you.

I watch as Marco leaves. I wait until the car turns the corner and even longer until I finally decide that it's time to go inside. It's still early, nearly six o'clock and the sun was just barely starting to set. I usually don't get back from work until around eight or nine. I suck it up, walk to the door, and open the door. The smell always gets me. You would think I would get used to it after years of living here, but the smell of that meth gives off is not something I ever want to get used to. Mom is still on the couch, though she's sitting up now. I doubt she moved from there since this morning. She doesn't eat, hardly sleeps, her face is covered in scars and open wounds from the invisible bugs she feels crawling in her skin that she tries to get out by picking at them incessantly. My mother looks at me with blank eyes, her pipe in her hand as she fills it with the addictive drug. "Hi dear." she says shakily, her teeth yellow and gums looking like their rotting.

"Hi mom." I try to make it to my room quickly without attracting the attention of my dad. I walk into my bedroom and throw my pack on the bed; I shuck off my bloodied shirt but keep my pants on. I sit on the bed and take out all the papers and packets the teachers hand out for parents to sign. I grab a pen and start to forge my mother's signature on all of them. After about ten minutes I finish the last paper and put them all back as neatly as I can.

"Get off the god damn couch you lazy cow!" ah. There it is. Dad. They always fight about mom's drug us. Or should I say dad yells and mom stares blankly ahead, not really comprehending what's happening around her. I hear a smack and know it's my time to intervene. I don't care how badly that asshole beats me, but I refuse to sit idly by while he beats my mother. Granted she may not be the best mother, but she was still my mother. And before her drug addiction started, she was the only one who accepted me for who I was. I get up off the bed and storm out of my room. I walk into the living room and see him my dad laid his hand on my mother. He slaps her again and she slumps over on the couch huddling and grabbing her face, her lip cracked and bleeding. "Hey!" I yell and get his attention. "Don't you put your fucking hands on her!" dad turns and closes in on me, grabbing me be the hair and pulling violently. It hurts but I won't show it in front of him. He brings his face close to mine and I can smell the alcohol on his breath.

"What did you just say?" he pulls more on my hair and I wince. I strengthen my resolve and in a strong voice, "I said don't put your dirty, fucking hands on my mother." that earns me a punch to the side and my ribs ache more than ever. He lets go of my hair and I drop to the floor. He kneels in front of me and shoves his hands in my face. "These dirty fucking hands are what feeds you, you ungrateful little shit." he slaps me hard and grabs my hair again pulling me up to my feet. "These dirty fucking hands are what pays for the bills here," another slap, "These hands will do whatever the fuck they want." He slams my head against the wall and my vision swims sickeningly. One more slap and he lets me go, shoving me towards my room. I guess that was enough to distract him from hurting my mom. I look over at her and see that she's looking around, panic written all over face. But she's not looking at me, no she's looking at the monsters that the meth puts into her mind. I watch as my mom whimpers and tries to shield herself from the horrors of her mind. I can only save her from dad. I can't save her from herself, no matter how hard I try. Believe me I've tried. I tried to get her to go to rehab, she had none of that. I've called the cops before and had her arrested, hoping that jail would clean her up a bit. All that got me was an absent mother and a frustrated father. I sigh and go back to my room. I check my bandages and make sure no stitches were pulled. I take the prescription the doctor gave me, rip it up, and throw it away. The last thing this house needed was more drugs. I take my pants off and throw them on the floor. I didn't have to work tomorrow so I'd do laundry then. It's only seven but I'm exhausted, so I climb into bed and drift off to sleep.

I walk into French class the next day and immediately notice that I'm not alone. Reiner and Betholdt stand in front of me. I look up at them; both are considerably taller than me Reiner a solid 6'1 all muscle and Bertholdt stood at a staggering 6'3 lankier than Reiner but no less intimidating. They never really picked on me, just kind of ignored me, so what did they want now? When neither of them moves, I look up at them. "Can I help you?" I ask sarcastically. Reiner takes a breath and looks down at me.

"We heard through the grapevine what Dan did to you yesterday. That was shitty, but we want you to know we're not all like that." ok now I was confused. Why do they even care what happens to me? Apparently, the confusion was clear on my face. "Some of Dan's cronies called us bragging about what he did, and also what Marco did. They want to make-"

"Me regret it?" all three of us gasped and turned toward the door, where Marco was standing he had a smile on his face, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Please, those guys are just trying to be tough, they wouldn't dare hurt me and risk losing any games." confident little fucker isn't he?

"Marco you don't know that." Reiner said, stepping towards the freckled boy.

"Look, he's not going to do anything. I'll be fine." Marco's tone indicated that he was done with the conversation. He came in and sat at his seat as others started to trickle in. I walked to my seat and looked at Marco.

I leaned in a bit and whispered "Are you really sure they won't do anything?" Marco looked at me with a sad smile. "No." He shook his head and faced the front of the classroom as Mr. Heichou walked in. I stared worriedly for a minute then faced the front focusing on the board that was showing what we would be doing today. Over my dead body would anyone hurt Marco.

Authors Note

Whoop! Got another chapter done! I'm gonna try and get another one up soon…. I'd love to hear what you guys think about it XD


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you to Incredibly cold, Dr Yu Minoru, and WateryCordial for your wonderful reviews and kind words. This chapter's dedicated to you guys! *hugs*

After chemistry that day, Marco walked out of the class with me. I was a little surprised. He walked with me to all of the classes we had together today, even going so far as to sit with me at lunch. That had earned us quite a few stares and even some sneers and insults. The entire hour we had for lunch was spent with Marco talking about whatever, while I stared at him with a confused, and wary face. He was never mean to me, but he also never used to put actual effort into being my friend. It was strange. I walked ahead of him and stood in front of him so I blocked his path. I wanted to get to the bottom of this. If this was just some sort of sick joke I needed to know. I would not be made a fool. "Why are you doing this?" Marco looked surprised.

"Doing what?" He asked, tilting his head slightly. God he looked adorable when he did that. I shook that thought out of my head, I was supposed to be interrogating him, not noticing the way his eyes sparkled with confusion, or the way he bit his lip slightly- enough!

"Don't look so surprised! Why are you walking with me, aren't you afraid you're going to be seen with the fairy ass gay boy? You have nothing to gain by hanging out with me. Or are you just using me for some kind joke you and your jock friends came up with?" I crossed my arms and tried my hardest to give him a hard, accusing stare.

He shook his head. "Of course not, I would never do that you. Is it so strange that I just might want to be your friend?"

I scoffed, "You've seen the way people treat me, and up until yesterday you hung out with them and never tried to help me before."

Marco nodded, his confused look turning into something more solemn. "I know, and I should've done that sooner. I'm so sorry that I didn't. It's just, when I saw you yesterday, I just… I had to." he looked me in the eyes and said softly, "You looked… broken." He paused. "I'm sorry if this is making no sense, I can't even really explain it." I shook my head, how could I be mad at a face so open and soft.

"Uh no, I-it's fine." I moved out of his way and continued walking next to him. I was still thinking about what he said about me looking broken when he spoke.

"So are you?" I looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

"Am I what?"

"Gay."

"Yeah."

"OK." he nodded and continued walking, leaving me standing there looking at his back. Now that I was actually getting to know the love of my life, I was finding him to be somewhat weird. Marco looked back at me. "You coming Jean?" I nodded and hurried to catch up to him. As we walked out of the school Marco looked over at me. "You wanna hang out?"

"What? Now?" I asked him. He nodded. I shrugged. "Sure, I guess."

"Cool, do you like video games? We can go to my house and hang out and play those. Or we could watch a movie" I couldn't tell I never play video games, I didn't even have a game console of any kind. But he looked so excited, how could I say no?

"Yeah that sounds great." we walked a little more together until Marco stopped to get his car. I walked to my Honda and followed Marco to his house. When we pulled onto his street I was surprised to see just how big Marco's house was. It looked like a mansion compared to my tine two bedroom house. Marco parked in the driveway and I pulled up to the curb. There was another car in the driveway and the garage door was open so I could an SUV parked in there. There was another garage door and I wondered if there was yet another car in there. I got out and followed Marco up to the front door. He opened the door and took his shoes off, gesturing for me to do the same. I toed my shoes off and followed him to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and took out two Pepsis tossing me one. We walked up the stairs and stopped at a door. He opened and I walked into his room with him. Marco walked over to his flat screen TV on his dresser and started to connect what looked like an X box 360 to it.

"Make yourself at home." He said. I just nodded looked around. His walls were painted a soft white and he had posters of varying basketball players, bands and video game characters. His bed was situated in the middle against the back wall in front of the TV there was a side table with a charger for his phone. His bed looked just heavenly. It was queen sized with dark blue sheets and a matching comforter. It looked so soft I couldn't help but set my drink down and crawl onto it. When Marco looked over I heard him laugh at the look of pure bliss on my face. I opened my eyes and stuck my tongue out at him. That just made him laugh harder. I smiled at him, his laugh was infectious. Marco came over and sat on the edge of the bed. I reluctantly sat up and sat next to him, he gave me a controller. I looked up and noticed some kind of war game was what we were playing. "I've never played this before." I said self consciously. "I don't know what to do." I added.

"That's ok, I'll teach you." I had to give him credit, he really did try to teach me, but I was just not suited for video games. After a half hour of me fumbling with the controller and trying to remember what Marco had said about what button made my player do basic moves. I just gave up and started pushing random buttons and see what happens. An hour later and Marco was just about dying of laughter at how bad I was at this game.

"C'mon I'm not that bad!" I said, but as soon as I did, my player got blown up. Again. Marco just laughed harder. I couldn't help it and started laughing along with him. We ended up dropping the controllers as we laughed our asses off. After awhile of that we finally calmed down a bit.

Marco was looking at me with a gentle expression on his freckled face. "That was the first time I heard you laugh Jean." Marco said. "You should do it more often." I blushed and looked down, and when I looked back up to respond Marco's eyes were all I saw before lips were touching my own softly. My eyes shot open in Shock, but shut right after. His lips were so soft beneath mine. I sighed into the kiss and Marco used it to his advantage, sneaking his tongue into my mouth. I ran my fingers through his hair. Marco cupped my cheeks and brought me closer, deepening the kiss. I was in heaven. I was kissing Marco, the love of my life, Marco the boy who saved me yesterday, Marco, the basketball player. The boy who usually hung out with the ass holes who liked to use me as a punching bag. I pulled away quickly and glared at Marco. I should've known. How could I have been so stupid, so gullible?

Marco looked at me and saw the glare on my face, "Jean I'm Sorry I-"

"Shut up! I Fucking knew it! I knew this was all a sick fucking joke you and your friends were trying to pull." I felt the tears sting my eyes as Marco looked at me with shock written all over his face.

"Jean no-"  
"Fuck you!" I nearly cringed when I heard my voice crack. "Fuck you." I ran out of the room and grabbed my shoes from the floor and raced out to my car. I ripped open the door and threw my shoes down, putting the key in and turning on the car, I drove away, seeing Marco running out of his house. I shook my head and drove to an old park no one went to any more. I turned the car off and lay my head against the steering wheel and just cried. I couldn't believe how stupid I was. I should have known Marco was no different that I shouldn't have trusted him. But I didn't and look where it got me.

Author's note

Oh man next chapter's going to be so hard to write… reviews are always welcome and appreciated!


	5. Chapter 5

I didn't get home until late that night, I had finally gotten tired of sitting in my car at a park and crying like an idiot. It was dark when I pulled up to my ramshackle house, the street lights made it look like something out of a scary movie. I sat in my car for a minute before getting out and making my way to the door. I open it and walk in to see my father sitting on his chair, a beer in his hand and a pile of cans on the floor. "Where the hell you been?" he asks, his words are slurred with drunkenness.

"Out." I said and went to walk past him. I just wanted to go to my room. Today was shit, all I wanted to do was lay down and sleep. But of course, I wasn't going to be able to do that. His hand shot out and grabbed my wrist hard, hard enough to leave a bruise.

"Don't get fucking smart with me." the grip on my wrist tightened. "I'll smack that smart ass mouth." I sigh; this isn't going to get me to my room any quicker. "I was at the park just hanging out." He nodded and let go of my arm. I high tailed it to my room and lay in my bed. Not five minutes later I heard my parents start fighting. It sounded like my mom had used up more of our dwindling cash to score more dope.

I turn over and lay on my side. How could I have been so stupid? Marco could never like me other than as a plaything he used to get a good laugh. He and his stupid ass sidekicks could fuck off. Besides I had enough shit to deal with, the last thing I need is a- shit I can't even think something bad about him. Marco was supposed to be nice. Was this all just a huge joke, something they took years to plan just to get a little laugh? I doubted it. But him having some kind of secret crush on me sounds a lot more far fetched. Wasn't it? I don't even know. What I do know, is that it hurt. Oh god it hurt so much. I loved Marco; he was the only one that didn't try to make my life hell. So why did he change so suddenly? I know people can change nearly overnight, but Marco didn't seem like the type. Unless I was seeing him through rose tinted goggles, just focusing on his positive features, and completely ignoring anything negative. It hurt so much. It felt like someone was stomping on my heart. I grab my earphones and lose myself in the music. I tune out everything that isn't blaring beats and bass. Music helped me block things out, helped me become numb. I blocked all thoughts from my head, not caring anymore. Eventually I fell into a restless sleep.

The next morning before showering, I put my dirty clothes in the washer; I was down to my last clean shirt. After throwing dressing in my work shirt and jeans, I throw the clothes in the dryer and head to school. The numbness from the night before had dissipated as soon as I pulled the headphones out. It hurt, but I'd be damned if I was going to let it show. I lifted my head, squared my shoulders, and walked confidently to my class. As soon as I made into the room, however, my façade broke. The room was empty so I didn't have to keep up any charades. I slumped my shoulders and lay my head on the desk, throwing my backpack on the ground. The door opened, probably the teacher, I sat up to grab my phone and froze when I saw who had walked in. Marco was shifting nervously near the front of the room, he shuffled to his desk and sat down. I didn't give him a second glance I turned to rummage through my pack to grab my phone, so music could numb me again. "Look Jean about yesterday-" "Save it." I said icily. I don't want to hear it." Oh god the look on his face broke my heart. He looked like I just killed his puppy. And it hurt to know that I was the one to put it there. But what he did was far worse.

"Jean please let me explain." Marco pleaded, he looked like he was about to cry. Oh god. I turned my head, not saying anything, I knew my voice would betray me. "please just hear me out-" I didn't let him finish again.

"I don't have to listen to anything you say Marco." I turned and glared at him. "I fucking trusted you not to hurt me, and I'm done. Just so fucking done." I shook my head and turned toward the front of the class so I didn't have to see his reaction. Luckily before he could say anything, someone walked into the class, signifying the end of our conversation.

I didn't see Marco the rest of the day, he wasn't in any of the classes we had together. He must have gone home. It actually hurt not to see his face. Isn't that fucked up? He screwed me over and I actually miss seeing his face. That asshole has wormed his way so far under my skin; it felt like he was actually a part of me. A vital part that would kill me if it were ever removed. Oh man, that was sappy.

I walk to my car and head to work. Once there Christa sat me down and checked my arms, putting more makeup on the fading bruise on my cheek. I told her about everything that happened and she held me close. Ymir came back when she noticed the absence of her girlfriend. And, after being informed, hugged me too, so I was between the two in a comforting sandwich. "Jean… do you think that Marco might actually have feelings for you?" Christa asked, during my break. I was sitting at one of the tables, a soda sitting in front of me. I looked up at her questioningly. She fidgeted a bit, "Well I've been thinking about everything you've told me about this boy, and it just seems so unlikely for him to do something like that."

"I know, but he never showed any interest in me before. Why would he start now?" I shrugged and went to go back to work, grabbing my cup to wash but Christa grabbed my arm. "Just, give him a chance?" she looked at me pleadingly. "I don't know Christa." With that, I pulled my arm out of her grasp and went back to work. After what felt like forever, my shift was finally done. I clocked out and walked out to the back door. I was turning to my car when I noticed someone in front of it. They were turned, but I would recognize that back anywhere. "Marco? What the hell are you doing here?" Marco turned suddenly and I had to choke back a gasp. Marco was wearing a suit, all black with a slim black tie. His hair was slicked back, a few loose strands falling onto his forehead. He had a bouquet of flowers in his hands. "I-I wanted to apologize to you."

"How did you know what time I got off work?" I asked, puzzled.

Marco looked down, blushing. One of his hands scratched the back of his neck, "I didn't, I came over the same time I did when I took you to the hospital and waited for you." he looked back up. "Jean I am so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you, that was the last thing on my mind." he paused for a breath, and I just stared at him dumbfounded. "I shouldn't have let my emotions control my actions. I shouldn't have kissed you like that so suddenly. See, I've kind of had a crush on you for a while now. And when I saw you laughing and smiling in my room yesterday, I couldn't hold my self back." I lifted a hand to stop him.

"You've liked me for a while?" he nodded.

"A-and that's why I'm here. To ask you out like a normal person." he straightened his back. "Jean if your not doing anything tonight, would you like to have dinner with me?" I couldn't help but laugh. I just couldn't. He looked confused for a second, until I looked him in the eyes and said, "Yeah sure Marco I'll go to dinner with you." the light in his eyes couldn't be anything other than pure joy. Boy I hope Christa is right, and Marco really is a good person.


	6. Chapter 6

We ended up at a small Italian restaurant tucked into a corner in the street. It was nice enough to be noticed wearing only jeans and a t-shirt but also homey enough to be noticed wearing a suit and tie. Marco and I stuck out like sore thumbs, but no one gave us a second glance. Everyone was busy enjoying their meals, which admittedly, looked and smelled delicious. The hostess sat us at one of the booths that sat along the sidewall of the restaurant. She asked us for our drink orders and walked away to get them, handing us our menus before leaving. I was pleasantly surprised to see that everything on the menu was actually affordable. I was looking at the pictures they had on the side of the menu when I noticed that Marco was staring at me with a goofy smile on his face. "What?" I asked

Marco giggled, seriously he giggled. How cute could he get? "It's just I never noticed that when you're concentrating you look mad. It's kind of adorable." I rolled my eyes, but couldn't help the small smile.

"You are such a dork." Marco laughed and I had to bite my cheek to stop from laughing along with him.

"So this place is really nice." I said looking around at the dim lighting of the restaurant. He nodded.

"Yeah my family and I found this place when we moved here, and we come here all the time. The food is delicious." The hostess brought our drinks to the table. "Your waitress will be with you in a moment." she smiled at us and left. We went back to looking at our menus, trying to figure out what we wanted. "I'm gay." I just looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"I kind of figured that seeing as we're on a date." he rolled his eyes.

"I know, but I still wanted to tell you. I don't get to say it much in this town. So." I had to laugh, "So you just like to say it every chance you get?"

"Pretty much." our waitress came then and we spent the rest of our date talking and laughing. I learned that Marco had a little sister named Mina and that he loved her dearly. His parents both worked well paying jobs that took up a lot of their time, but they always made time for their children. I didn't tell Marco about my mother's addiction but I did tell him that his family sounded a hell of a lot better then mine. I also found out that Marco was a giant dork. He threw his straw wrapper at me, slurped his spaghetti, getting red sauce all over his cheeks. He even had this tendency to snort if he laughed really hard. The first time he did that he blushed and looked down, but I was laughing so hard that I accidentally hit my arm on the table and got the attention of everyone around us, so we were even. When we left Marco took me back to my work, but I didn't want the date to end. "Hey, you wanna go get an ice cream or something? There's a place not far from here, we can walk."

"That sounds great, just let me take this damn tie off really quick." He put his tie in the car and locked it, ruffling his hair as he walked back to me. Marco smiled and grabbed my hand. It was late enough that not many people were out so I felt comfortable enough to walk hand in hand with him. We got our cones and found a bench to sit and eat them. I scooped some of my treat on my finger, "Hey Marco." he looked my way and I smeared my ice cream on his cheek. I was aiming for his nose, but I missed.

"Hey!" I chuckled as he pouted at me. "You're going to have to clean this you know." he said with a mock stern voice.

"Aw do I have to?" I asked sarcastically. He nodded and I leaned forward and licked the ice cream off his cheek. His skin tasted slightly salty and it mixed wonderfully with the sweet treat. I pulled away and saw that he was blushing furiously. I chuckled softly and Marco looked at me with a small smile. We leaned forward and pressed our lips together. It was chaste and over all too quickly. We pulled away and smiled at each other. We shared more kisses as we finished our ice cream and when we were done, we walked back to our cars. "I had fun Marco." He smiled.

"Me too." He looked away for a second, "So does this mean that I get to call you my boyfriend?" he asked.

I was surprised, "You want to?"

"Of course." I nodded and smiled. I kissed him and whispered against his lips that yes he was my boyfriend. He put his arms around my waist and brought my body close to his and kissed me again. This one was different from the others we shared. He moved his lips against mine, and swiped his tongue across my mouth asking for entrance. I opened my mouth and let him in. We both moaned as our tongues touched and slid together. We pulled away after a moment, breathless. He looked at me and touched his forehead against mine. "Goodnight Jean." I kissed his cheek. "Goodnight Marco, I'll see you tomorrow." He nodded and we went to our cars. I went home and felt like I was floating. My parents were passed out so I didn't have to explain why I was home late. I went to my room and lay down on my bed, letting tonight's events run through my head as I fell to sleep.

Wow that was actually hard to write, sorry that it's so short I didn't really know how to write this part DX


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning I woke up early and in a strangely good mood. I made my bed, took my shower, got dressed in my jeans and a clean shirt, it was Friday so I had the day off. I went to the mirror in the bathroom and checked my hair before going to the living room. Mom was laying on the couch, her bubbled pipe held tightly in her hands. School didn't start for another half hour so I walked up to her and sat down in front of my mother on the floor. I slowly lifted a hand and rested it on her scarred cheek. The meth was eating away at her, mentally and physically. It was so hard to watch. Her eyes opened slowly, slightly glassed over. I stared into eyes that were identical to mine. "Hey mom." I whispered.

Mom smiled slightly and let go of her pipe with one hand and caressed my cheek with it. "Good morning sweetie."

"Mom I want to tell you something, but you can't tell dad, ok?" mom was the one who accepted me, she didn't care that I was gay; to her I was still her baby boy. When I told her she just smiled and hugged me, soothed my hair. When I told dad he beat me, said he would never have a faggot as a son. Mom just held me, bandaged me up, kissed my forehead and held me into the night. That was before she became addicted. If I could meet the person who gave her the first hit of that drug I would kill them. No question. They took my mom away from me, they deserved it.

"Of course honey, what is it?" she looked at me with a soft expression, but her eyes were still glassed over with her latest high. These moments were rare, where I got to talk to my mom before she became too high to function properly.

"I got a boyfriend mom, his name's Marco. I-I think you'd really like him. He's really sweet, and funny… and handsome." I leaned into her hand still softly holding my cheek and watched as her face filled with happiness. "Oh honey that's wonderful, I wish I could meet him." she paused, "But we know what would happen." I nodded and leaned down so my head rested on the couch near her. "I love you mom." She chuckled lightly and started to caress my hair. With the way she was using now, who knew how many more of these moments I would have.

"I love you too honey." we stayed that way for a little while longer until I had to leave for school.

I pulled up to my normal parking spot on the side of the school and noticed that Marco was waiting for me near the gate. I got out of the car and walked up to my boyfriend, it was still weird to think that Marco is my boyfriend. Marco looked good, he was wearing a pair of slightly baggy dark jeans and a loose black t-shirt. "Hey." he was looking at me with a smile and I returned it.

"Hi." I slung my backpack over my shoulder, as we started walking onto campus Marco grabbed my hand. I stopped and looked at him. "Hey, you know you don't have to do this."

Marco looked at me oddly, "What? Hold hands?" I nodded. "I want to. I don't care if people know we're together, I'm proud to call you my boyfriend and if anyone has a problem with that they can go fuck themselves." I felt truly loved in that moment, but I totally ruined it by laughing.

"Oh god Marco! Fuck just isn't a word I'm used to you saying. You just look so innocent." he rolled his eyes and continued walking, still holding my hand.

"Why does everyone say that?"

We got through half the school day without incident, Marco and I would meet whenever we could between classes, even it was just a second we wanted to see each other off. At lunch we were sitting outside, under the tree. I usually sit here alone when the weather allows it. It was nice sitting with someone for once. I looked over at Marco and smiled, he smiled back at me, but his cheeks were full of his sandwich. Laughing I wiped a bit mustard from the corner of his mouth. "Dork." he swallowed and smiled softly at me, grabbing my hand holding it while we finished eating. When we were done Marco and I walked back. We had just threw away our trash when trouble came our way.

"Hey Marco what the fuck are you doing with this guy?" I looked up to see one of my classmates, I think his name is Cody. He played football, he was wearing his jersey, they had a game tonight so all the players were wearing them.

"What dos it look like?" Marco asked, "I'm going to class with Jean."

We started to walk away when Cody made a grab for me, he pulled at my collar, but I grabbed his arms and tried to stop him. Damn this guy was strong. "What'd you do? Why'd you fuck with Marco?!" He brought my face close to his, I glared hard at him, seething. I kicked at his shin hard and Cody yelped, throwing me to the ground. I landed hard and hit my head, my vision blurred for a second, but it wasn't bad. "You fucker!" Cody made to kick me, but Marco stood in front of him.

"Back off!" Marco yelled. Cody just pulled his fist back and punched Marco in the noise, a sickening crunch sounding. Marco fell to his knees and I saw red. I growled and got up charging Cody and punching him in the jaw. He howled and made a grab for me, but he was slow. I grabbed the back of his head and brought my knee up smashing it into his face. I pushed Cody away and he fell on his ass holding his head in his hands. I turned and knelt next to Marco. "Shit are you OK?" Marco looked up at me, there was blood pouring from his nose, covering his lips and chin. His eyes watered but he nodded.

"Yeah I'm okay." I didn't get to say anything else because suddenly the principal and a couple teachers were surrounding us, along with a crowd of students. Fuck. This wasn't going to end well.

"What the hell happened?" The principle asked, he was a tall blond man with a stern face. He definitely wasn't a fan of mine. He looked at me, but it was one of the other students that answered, "Jean attacked Cody when he was talking to Marco!" Marco looked stunned, but I was expecting this.

"What?! Cody threw Jean and then he hit me!" Marco yelled. It was his fault!" he pointed at the boy getting up from the ground, still cradling his head in his hands.

"Jean started it." Someone else yelled from the crowd and a murmur of agreeing voices came over them.

"But-" I just shook my head as Marco tried to defend me.

"Don't." Marco looked at me searching, but I just shook my head again.

Mr. Smith looked at me. "Jean, let's go to my office. Someone get Cody and Marco to the nurse's and the rest of you get to class." I followed him and glared as I passed Cody.

"Three day suspension" I sigh as I meet Marco outside chemistry class. It was before class and the only time we had seen each other since the fight. Marco had two black eyes forming, they would be worse tomorrow. He had a brace over his broken nose and he refused to go home after the nurse checked him over.

"What? That's ridiculous!" I nodded.

"Yup, but that's how it is." We walked into class and sat down. We got to choose where we sat so Marco and I sat in the back corner so we could talk quietly. "This hit's just gonna keep happening, you just have to let it go, no use holding onto it and letting it ruin your life. These people aren't worth it ok?"

"It's still fucked." I laughed quietly, I would never get used to Marco cussing.

Thank you guys so much for the awesome reviews I appreciate it! You're all wonderful 3


	8. Chapter 8

The next few days flew by in a blur. It was the weekend so I worked more hours then usual, and I spent all my free time with Marco. After work we would go to his house, hang out until the early hours of the morning when I would drag my self away from him, and go home bypassing my parents and crawling into bed only to start all over in a few hours. Monday was much the same. I got up, got ready for work and drove to Zoe's. I had talked to Hanji and told her about my suspension. I asked her if there was any possible way I could work a few more hours those days.

I walked in through the back door, waved hello to Connie and clocked in. I spent the next eight hours clearing off tables and washing dishes. Exciting I know. After work, I was heading to my car when my phone buzzed. I pulled it out of my pocket and saw I had a text message. It was from Marco, of course. 'You coming over?' I smiled like and idiot as I dropped into my seat I quickly texted back an affirmative and made my merry way over to my boyfriend's house. I parked on the curb and walked up to the front door, knocking a few times I waited for someone to answer. Marco's mom opened the door, a flour covered apron covering her clothes. "Oh hello dear," she smiled and ushered me in, "Marco's up in his room just go ahead and go on up."

"Thank you Mrs. Bodt." she just smiled at me and went back to the kitchen. His mom was the best; she's always so nice and seems to always have food and a smile ready for us. She and Marco's father knew I was their son's boyfriend and I was pleasantly surprised when they just smiled and welcomed me in with open arms. It was different from what I was used to, but so nice. I climbed the stairs to Marco's room and let myself in. "What's up stud?" I asked as I flung my self onto the bed with him. Marco laughed.

"Not much handsome." I rolled my eyes and lay down next to him. Marco was sitting at the end of the bed playing a video game. I didn't really like playing so I just curled around him and lay my head on his lap as I watched him shoot people and throw grenades on screen. After a while, Marco's mom called us down for dinner.

I didn't realize how hungry I was until I opened the door and the smell hit me. I almost tripped on the stairs in my haste to get the food. We sat down as Mrs. Bodt put the food on the set table. Marco's father at the head of the rectangular table, on his left sat Mina, Marco's younger sister, and on his right, Marco sat down with me next to him while Mrs. Bodt sat down next to her daughter. "How was work Jean?" Marco's father asked. When I first met the man, the first thought that came to mind was that he looked like a thin, brunette Santa Clause. He's tall with a scruffy brown beard, but his deep brown eyes and calm smile made him look downright jolly.

"It was good sir, kinda slow though." He nodded and before he could say anything else Mrs. Bodt said, "I still can't believe you were suspended for defending yourself and my son." she shook her head. "You're such a sweet boy why anyone would want to pick on you is beyond me."

I blushed and looked down; Marco grabbed my hand under the table and stroked his fingers along the skin there. "Thank you." I whispered to both of them.

After dinner I helped clear the table why Marco did the dishes, I was just putting the salt and pepper away when I felt something grab my leg. I looked down to see Mina holding my leg, she was just four and she looked just like Marco, liquid brown eyes, freckles covering her cheeks and arms and a constant smile. She was smiling at me now and hugging my waist, "it's okay Shawn, I'll help keep the mean people away." she couldn't quite say my name right and I thought that was just the cutest thing in the world. I knelt down and hugged her close, "Thank you Mina that means a lot." She hugged me back and went about her way. I stood up and noticed Marco smiling at me; I just went back to cleaning off the table.

I had to leave earlier than usual that night since Marco has school and I had work. He walked me to my car and I turned and grabbed him in a hug. He pulled back a bit and pecked my lips. I grabbed his shirt and brought him in for a deeper kiss. After a minute, we both needed air so we broke apart, a thin string of saliva connecting us.

"Okay I should go." I panted; Marco chuckled and kissed me one more time. I got in my car and waved to him as I drove to my house. I turned the stereo on low and drummed my fingers on the steering wheel along with the beat. As I turned onto my street, something caught my eye and my stomach dropped. An ambulance and about three cop cars were parked in front of my house, their lights blinking but there were no sirens. I parked across the street and got out running to my house to see what was happening but an officer stopped me. "You can't go in there." he said sternly.

I shook my head; "T-this is my house, what's going on?" he looked at me for a minute. "You're Maria Kirstein's son?" he asked. "Yes sir, what's going on?" I asked again, I was starting to get rally worried.

The officer sighed, "I've got some bad news son." Before he could say anything else, two other officers were bringing my father out in handcuffs. Oh god. What did he do?

Dun dun dun!

Sorry this took so long I haven't really been in a writing mood lately.


	9. Chapter 9

"Bad news?" I asked, "Did my father do something, did he hurt my mother? Is she ok?" I looked at him, trying not to cry, "Is my mother ok?" my voice was shaking I was so worried. The officer shushed me, patting my shoulder, as if that was going to soothe away all my worries.

"The last time I talked to the paramedics they said she was alive, they're in there right now, taking care of her, she'll be ok." The officer put his hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry to do this now but I need to ask you a couple questions. Will that be ok?" I nodded, but was distracted as I watched the other officers putting my father in the backseat of the patrol car. I swallowed the lump in my throat and followed the cop to his car where he pulled out a small notebook and a pen. "Alright first things first, my name is officer Brown and I'm very sorry for what's happening to you." I nodded again. "Again I'm sorry to do this now, but its procedure." It seemed that was the extent of my communicating abilities right now. For the next fifteen minutes or so officer Brown asked me about my father's rage, his drinking, his abuse, and my mother's addiction. "Alright those are all the questions I needed, now you'll most likely be called to testify in court will that-"

"I'll do it."

He nodded, "I understand."

After he was done I stood near his car why he went about doing whatever was needed of him at the moment. I watched the front door until, finally, it opened. Three paramedics were rolling out a gurney, my mother was strapped to it. Even from this distance I could see her battered body, blood was slowly dripping from the worst of her injuries. Officer Brown told me they took so long to get her to the hospital because they needed to stabilize her before they tried to move her. As soon as I found out what hospital she was being taken to I ran to my car and drove. I walked up to the front desk and asked where she was. I ran down the corridors and sped past the elevators running up to the second floor. Once I found her room I walked up to the door, before I could enter the handle moved and out walked a doctor.

"Is my mother ok?" I almost yelled I was so nervous.

The doctor looked down and he put his hand on my shoulder. He steered to a couple seats that were near the door. "She sustained many deep cuts and bruises, most likely from some type of glass bottle. But she was stabbed thirteen times from what we suspect to be a steak knife, we ah, we pulled the blade from her shoulder." I was shaking, I couldn't believe this. The doctor continued, "Her methamphetamine addiction has weakened her body greatly, which is why we don't want to risk surgery, so her chance of survival is slim." he paused and took a deep breath. "We doubt she'll make it through the night. If you'd like to see her, say goodbye, you're welcome to do so." With one more pat on my shoulder the doctor got up and walked down the hall. My mother was going to die? I got up and walked to the door, taking a deep breath I walked into the room. I nearly fell to my knees. My mom looked so fragile and small. Her battered body lay lifelessly on the white bed. Her face was bruised so bad I could barely recognize it as human. The sheets were pulled up to her neck and for that I was grateful. I couldn't stand to see the stab wounds that were no doubt inflicted by my father. I grabbed the chair nearby and dragged it to her bedside. Sitting with my back bent to pit my face close to hers I whispered, "I'm so sorry I couldn't be there mom." I sobbed against her bed, "I'm so fucking sorry." I sat next to her for another two hours when her heart monitor stopped it's beeping and a long monotonous tone sounded. My mother was dead. My father killed her. I heaved a heart wrenching sob and leaned in to kiss my mother goodbye. Soon the nurses came in and ushered me out of the room. I stared in a daze at the closed door. I sniffled and walked down the hall. I took the elevators down to the lobby and walked out the doors of the hospital. I bypassed my car, I wasn't in any shape to drive, besides Marco lived close to the hospital. I walked the six blocks to my boyfriends house. I didn't even realize the time, so when Marco's father opened the door with a bat I was a bit surprised. "Jean? Are you ok? You look pale son, what's wrong?"

"M-Marco." I whispered. He just nodded and called Marco's name while he ushered me inside, it seemed like a lot of people were doing that to me tonight. He grabbed a blanket from the couch and wrapped me in it. Marco came down the stairs in his pajamas, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, "What is it?" When he saw me, pale and shaking, he ran to my side. Gripping my shoulders, he looked at me worriedly, "Jean." he shook me a bit. "Jean look at me, what's wrong?"

I collapsed into Marco's arms nearly knocking him over, "Marco my mom-" I choked on a sob, I took a deep breath and whispered, "My mom is dead." he gripped me tight. "Oh god. Jean." he held me tightly, I think I heard Marco's mother come down the stairs but all I cared about was the feeling of Marco's arms around me. He lead me to couch and we sat. I curled into him and sobbed. I looked up at Marco's parents, his father was holding his mother who was crying silently. "C-can I stay here tonight?" I asked. His mother came over and kneeled in front of me, "Of course honey, of course." I nodded and went back to holding onto Marco tightly. Marco ran his fingers through my hair comfortingly, I could feel the weight of the last few hours crushing me but I was too tired to care. I curled into Marco, laying my head against his chest, I sniffled again and let the steady beat of Marco's heart lull me into a restless sleep.

Thank you guys for the reviews! They really mean a lot *hugs* thank you my wonderful readers


	10. Chapter 10

I woke up a lot more comfortable than when I fell asleep. I vaguely remember Marco half dragging me up the stairs to his bedroom. Images of my mother beaten and bloody had plagued my dreams throughout the night. I felt Marco breathing steadily beneath me. I snuggled into his chest and whimpered. He must not have been sleeping deeply because the soft sound woke him. I felt his arms wrap around me and hold me tight.

I sighed, "What am I gonna do Marco?" I asked him softly. His arms tightened around me.

"We'll get through it, together. You will not have to do this alone Jean I promise." I nodded and we stayed that way until his mother knocked on the door several minutes later.

She poked her head into the door, "Boys I have breakfast ready." she said simply and then walked out. Marco sat up but kept a hold on me, his arm wrapped tightly around my waist. "You should eat something, even if it's just toast." I nodded again and followed him down the stairs to the table. I sat next to him and noticed the rest of the family was gone. His sister was probably in the living room and his father at work. Mrs. Bodt walked into the room holding two bowls of oatmeal, she set them down in front of us. "Thank you." I said. She pat my back. "You're welcome dear. I know you're probably not hungry, but try to eat, keep your strength." with that she walked out of the room, leaving me and Marco to eat in silence.

"I need to get my car," I said quietly, "And go back to the house to situate things." the doors were probably unlocked and I probably had quite a bit to clean too. Marco nodded and took my hand, "I'll go with you."

After breakfast Marco and I walked to the hospital to get my car. When we got in I turned the heater up and drove to my house. The doors were sealed with that yellow police tape and there were still a few police cars around. I got out and walked up to the front door only to be stopped by an officer. "Can I help you? He asked.

"Uh yeah this is my house," before I could finish he spoke.

"I can get you some clothes but for the time being this is a crime scene so you can't stay here." This officer wasn't nearly as nice as the man who helped me last night. I nodded my consent and the man walked into my house. Marco had gotten out of the car with me and he grabbed my hand, "You can stay with us for as long as you want."

He pulled me into a hug, "Thank you." Marco just nodded and held me. A few minutes later the officer walked out with a bag of my clothes and other necessities. He saw Marco holding and sneered. "Here." he shoved the bag my way and I barely had time to grab it before it fell. "Now get out of here." I glared at the officer and went to say something to him, but Marco grabbed my arm and hauled me to the car. "Fucking asshole." I seethed.

"Just ignore him Jean." Marco soothed, "He's not worth it." I opened the trunk and threw my stuff in, slamming it shut. I walked back to the driver's side and plopped into my seat. We sat there for a minute, "What do we do now?" I asked. It was too late to go to school and I didn't feel like it anyway. I'll have to see when I can do my mom's funeral, they'd probably want to do an autopsy or something.

Marco looked at me, "Let's go home Jean."

"'kay." I drove us back to Marco's house and he pulled my stuff out of the trunk. We walked to the front door and sought out Mrs. Bodt. We found her in the kitchen and Marco walked in, still holding my bag of clothes, "Mom Jean needs a place to stay-"

"Oh honey, stay here as long as you need to." She walked to me and hugged me. I wrapped both my arms around her, "Thank you." my voice cracked and I couldn't stop the flow of tears. I would never be able to hold my mother like this again. I sniffled and pulled away slightly, "S-sorry."

"Don't be honey it's alright." I gave her a watery smile and walked up the stairs with Marco. He held my hand the entire time and when we got to his room he set my stuff down and pulled me over to the bed. I sat down and he pulled me down to lay next to him, my head on his chest. I grabbed hold of his sweater and cried into his chest. Marco just pat my back and whispered to me how we were going to get through this. I eventually cried myself to sleep in my boyfriend's arms.

I am sorry this isn't very long! Please don't hate for making you wait so long for a shitty update, I'll do better next time


	11. Chapter 11

Author's Note: well this is it guys! Sorry to end it so abruptly but I don't think I could have dragged this out anymore. Thank you to everyone that read this and to those that reviewed ^_^

My mother's funeral was held later that week. It was small, her casket was simple and the amount of people that came was small. There was Marco, of course, and his family. Christa and Ymir, my boss Hanji, Connie, and Bertholdt and Reiner; couple of Marco's teammates that I had gotten to know while dating him.

It was a closed casket ceremony. Some of the damage to my mother's face was impossible to cover with makeup. That was fine, I don't think I could see her actually lifeless. I had seen her slowly fading but it was different to see absolutely no light in her eyes. I didn't cry. I had done more than enough of that. But I was still thankful that Marco didn't once let go of my hand through out the ceremony. Not even during the small gathering we had afterwards at Marco's house. After everyone was gone Marco and I went up stairs and fell asleep curled together under the blankets.

A few days after the funeral my father's trial was held. He was convicted of second degree murder, child abuse, and assault with a deadly weapon. He wouldn't be getting out for a very long time. I was still going to school, still working. Life had to go on after all. If it weren't for Marco I doubt I would have gone on.

After the trial I had decided to sell the house. Marco's family said I could stay with them. We were in the process of sorting through my old things when we heard a truck pull up outside. I looked at Marco, confused, and he just shrugged. I sighed and got up waling through the mostly empty living room to the front door. I opened it just as Reiner was about to knock. "Oh. Hey Jean." he waved with a half smile as Bertholdt got out of the car and made his way up to my porch. "we thought we would help you move." Reiner said, rubbing the back of his neck. "We would have called but I don't know your number and Marco's just kept going to voicemail so…" he trailed off and I chuckled.

"For sure, man thanks." I ushered them in and together we moved all the boxes that held my things into my car and all the old furniture I was throwing out into Reiner's truck to be taken to the dump. I drove to Marco's and we unloaded all my things into his room. He had cleared space in his closet and dresser for me. We put away some of my stuff but left the rest to be taken care of later. I grabbed a pair of boxers and a t- shirt. "I'm gonna grab a shower." Marco smiled and nodded.

"OK." I walked down the hall into the bathroom. Started the shower and stepped into the scolding water. Washing quickly, I was exhausted and just wanted to lay down with my boyfriend and sleep for a few days. After I was done I toweled off and walked back to our room. I threw my dirty clothes into the hamper and lay on the bed. Marco got up to shower too and said he'd back quickly.

I had gotten so used to sleeping next to Marco that I couldn't fall asleep until he came back. About twenty minutes later Marco walked in and threw his clothes in the hamper too. He crawled onto bed and spooned up behind me. He wrapped me in his arms and I twined our fingers together against my chest.

"I love you Marco." I whispered. He nuzzled the back of my neck and whispered in my ear.

"I love you too Jean. More than anything in this world." and with that we promptly fell asleep.

Again, thank you guys~ I hope you enjoyed it.


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